Python: It’s the obvious choice. Elegant, powerful, concise. But can you really see Jesus using a programming language named after the creature who tempted Eve and doomed humanity to exile from the Garden of Eden? No, me either.

PERL: Its users swear by it, but lacking mainstream support or system level visual development interfaces, it’s unlikely the saviour of mankind would choose PERL for such a task.

Visual Basic / .NET: Being a proprietary language, subject to licensing and usage restrictions Jesus would probably denounce such a framework, overturning tables and throwing the money lenders out of the temple.

Objective C#: I can see Jesus coding for iOS mobile devices, spreading love and forgiveness via free iPhone apps. But being tied to the restricted iTunes store wouldn’t allow him to spread his apps to Android users.

Java: Runs on all platforms and is truly object oriented, Java seems like a good choice for Jesus. Jesus on Java? Maybe. Although the language’s general slow speed and clunkiness aren’t the kind of cool Jesus wants.

Ruby: Complex structures and language made easy. A higher level for better human understanding, Ruby sounds a lot like how Jesus operated. Unfortunately Ruby isn’t mainstream enough for someone like Jesus to consider if he wants to reach the masses.

PHP: Freely available, open source, widely adopted, PHP also seems like a possible contender for Jesus’ next rapid development programming project. PHP just isn’t sophisticated enough to stand up against the bigger languages though. Maybe Jesus will port his apps to PHP when it gets some proper exception handling and performance improvements.

C / C++: Being the most popular programming language(s) in the world, it’s quite possible that Jesus is a C/C++ programmer. Drawing on years of programming wisdom, and weaving itself into the fabric of modern society, C/C++ seem a natural fit for son of God.

If we look at all the worlds most popular religions and group them with the world’s most popular programming languages it looks like this :

1. C/C++ | Christianity 
2. JAVA | Muslims
3. PHP | Hindus
4. Javascript | Buddhists
5. Python | Sikhs
6. C# | Jews 

I will leave you to draw inferences and generalisations, but the last thing was need is a religious based programming language war. History has shown us that nerd flame wars are quite intense and uncivilised.

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