It’s been 4 months since little Zenon touched down on planet Earth, changing everything. Before he arrived we went through the usual mental checklist, assuring ourselves we’d prepared as best we could. New dryer, cot, change table, little socks, etc. Then of course there were my “needs” : New DSLR with 1080p HD video, remote IP access 360 degree infrared web cam, digital thermometer, space invader themed socks. Standard stuff.

So now that I’m 4 months in, I’m an expert and fully qualified to tell you all how to raise your own children. So here are my tips and tricks for other nerds who may find themselves in my position.

Sleeping
Your sleep is about to be disrupted. Stock up on Red Bull. For the first little while, just sleep when they sleep. Resistance is futile. Don’t try to catch up on your RSS feeds when he’s down, grab a pillow and follow his lead. This newborn sleep-a-lot thing is a precious gift to be exploited while you can. When they stop sleeping so well you have to start nursing them to sleep with lots of swinging and susshing. I use “Sleepy Baby” from the iOS app store to generate white noise, which for us, works really well. It sounds like radio static (or rain, or a mountain stream) and is like sonic baby heroin. NOTE : Radio emittance from your mobile phone has not been proven to cause harm, but is not recommended for developing brains so keep it at a distance whenever you can.

Feeding
There is a good deal of tech available now for expressing milk so dads can help with feeding. Or you could go formula if you are so inclined but all the science suggests that boobs are best. Unless you have a good reason, or are unable, it’s probably best to let your gal do her thing here. I find I can help burping and changing between boobs. We go feed one side, burp, change, feed other side, burp, play, sleep. (Rinse, repeat).

Clothing
There are loads of positively geeky clothes out there for infants. Star trek, Star wars are both well represented and think geek has a good range of kids stuff. I got given a few cute as branded onesies from Google and had cafepress make up a DNA Digital branded jumpsuit too. It’s completely unnecessary and somehow totally obligatory to fly your nerd flag on your kids. Also don’t buy too much. They grow out of it really quickly and chances are you will have friends / family with almost everything you need anyway if you don’t mind recycling.

Domain Names
Zenon isn’t too much of a nerdy name, it’s greek (from Zeus), though it does sound sorta “Sci-Fi” which is kind of cool. I originally wanted Xenon from the periodic table of elements but we thought it might trip people out too much.  In any case, you should try to ensure the domain name(s) are available of any potential name you choose. You never know when they might need their .com or .com.au domain name once they become a famous doctor, lawyer, musician, computer scientist, motivational speaker, actor or fantasy role-playing card enthusiast. It’s only a few dollars and they will thank you for it later. If you’re a real entrepreneur you can trying selling it to them for a few grand as some kind of parental life lesson on the value of money.

Google Everything
Some people told me not to Google my baby’s behaviour or symptoms, lest I worry myself. That runs counter-intuitive to how I think though, and I Google the bejeezus out of everything. What I’ve learned is that when it comes to parenting, there is even more conflicting information and emotions out there than a high-traffic wikipedia page. Whatever you search for, you will find a contrary opinion and loads of pseudo scientific crap. You’ll find yourself on forums a lot. My advice is to take everyone’s opinion with a grain of salt, and try to find reputable sources. Yahoo Answers is not a reputable source. If in doubt, call one of the many free helplines and talk to a nurse or a doctor. On that note, don’t believe everything your mother, sister’s friend, neighbours cousin or workmate’s ex husband tells you. Almost everyone is full of BS and the “science” behind parenting is rapidly changing. Read a lot and make your own mind up.  Google Scholar is good if you have the time.

Relax
At this point I have to admit that we got lucky. Zenon has been sleeping from 9pm to 7am for about 2 months now. Apparently this is exceptional and mentioning it among fellow parents furrows brows. I’m not sure this has much to do with us, but is probably his natural temperament. What I can say is that if you can, try to relax. Worrying too much or being anxious in general can’t help and may disrupt any bond you’re forming. At night, keep the lights low or off so they learn their circadian rhythm. Don’t interact or play at night, just feed, change and go back to sleep. We don’t watch any TV anymore or have any gaudy over-stimulating toys. We personally use the iPad with headphones if we want to catch up on Game of Thrones or a quick movie. Basically, we keep stimuli to a minimum at this stage – for him it’s us, our voices and touch, our music, a chew toy or two. I don’t know if this is why he sleeps through the night, but our house is very relaxed and that’s got to be a good thing for everyone.

In closing, get used to typing with one hand. I’ve done many many nights of dev with a baby in one hand and a Macbook in the other, including a lot of work on this very website. The iPad is a perfect device for reading, surfing etc while you nurse a baby to sleep. Pick some like minded friends and bombard them with all your beautiful baby photos, try to spare your cool young childless friends on your social networks. You were one of them once and you know what it’s like.

Most of all, have fun! There’s a whole childhood of nerdy childhood nostalgia to come. I’ve already got my eye on a few lego kits …